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5 Key Relationship Mistakes

1. Giving unsolicited advice


Especially for a man. When I used to this to everyone and their dog, it was because I wanted to help, and it felt goo to help. It wasn't about that person first, my focus was on me and feeling better. Since I realised who I was trying to rescue the whole time was me, I've stopped, but it can still creep in sometimes. I needed to find the sense of inner peace that I have. By helping, I was implying that the other person was helpless without me, and that's not true. Sometimes people just need someone to listen. Especially a man with a woman, because her talking IS her releasing heavy stuff. Most guys don't get that.


2. Parenting each other


Most people have a limited skill in relating and communicating. They think that whatever they learned is everything there is to learn. What they're left with is when their partner does something they don't understand, they try to teach them or tell them what to do, or want them to change.


Since having kids I really understood that humans can't learn or solve problems when under stress. So if your talking about any new information with your partner in heightened moments, they're going to reject it, until things calm down. Same as a child that isn't aware of their emotional state before they calm down and learn. Most just cry it out for so long they stop from exhaustion. I know this seems like I'm changing the topic, but I'm not. Every relationship problem comes back to the child within the adult. Whether it's the things we're seeing in our partner, or kids and disowning that behaviour in ourselves. When we understand ourselves everything changes. As I've seen time and time again.


We need to learn how to maintain deep friendship, if you's like a beginner's guid to this, ask me for it here.


3. Dis-Respect


A man wants respect more than he wants love. He wants to be appreciated for the small things he does. In the competitive world we live in, a woman may have learned that that encouraging word isn't necessary, because she doesn't need it. But for him it means the world. It shows that she notices is good intentions. It plants a seed for the great things he wants to do. it brings attention to his productivity. He's not dependent on it, but it inspires him to be of greater service to her and everyone on his mission.


Another way dis-respect occurs is by withholding information. If she's feeling something and doesn't express it, he feels dis respected because "If she trusted me, she'd tell me" but it's not that simple. She might have learned to stop herself from feeling. And he also can dis respect by not staying in that conflict when she's upset. Even if she says she doesn't want him to stay. It's a test. She says anything she can to try and break him and hurt him even without that intention from her. From his perspective he's thinking "Nothing's ever good enough". And what's really going on is that she is throwing everything she can at him to see if he can embrace her pain and love it. If he can keep his heart open for her when she wants to close. And if he can, she expands her heart and heals on a deeper level through the presence of another who accepts that pain that may have been ignored for so long.


We co-create these situations and either person can create change. He can stay in that conflict and realise "it's not about me". She can soften her tone and make a request based on what's best for their relationship and everything they care for, which will inspire him.


4. Stopping Dating


We must never stop dating


Taking the relationship for granted is like never watering a beautiful plant. It will die.

But if you water it, it will be nourished and continue to grow.


When you date, you're showing you value the relationship. Of course the first phase of having kids is the greatest challenge to maintaining dating, but it's a must. Not only for the sake of the relationship, but the example they set, as well as they're well being.


Anything other than dating means the relationship is not being valued.


Remember what it was like when you first got together? What did you do for fun?


What do you need to forgive and let go to get back there?


What agreements do you need to come to to amen progress in the new phase of your relationship.


Dating is about keeping the connection going with the little kid inside of you.


We are all still 2, 5, 12 years old mentally and emotionally as well a our adult selves.


And that kid in us wants to play and explore.


Dating is the best way in a relationship to feed the child inside.


5. Hyper Focus On The Relationship


Sometimes the problem in the relationship, is too much time together in the relationship. If we don't have equal time apart, as much as we're together, anything can start to become annoying.


I know it's cliche, but absence does make the heart grow fonder.


How much time do you spend together?


Maybe you learned some traditions from your parents about spending all your time together?


No wonder there are heated moments.


If I hung out with my cute sausage dog 24 hours a day I'd probably get annoyed by her.


And that's a very loveable thing.


If you notice you're hyper focussed on the relationship, what do you need to do to change that.


Another person should never be the only, or majority source of enjoyment. Life I for living with communities of people having fun and playing together.


Meet new people, get out of your orbit. Maybe it's scary, that's ok. And make sure you're leading by example.


That last one is so attractive to your partner.


This last question will help in almost any situation.


How can I become the partner I wish to have?

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