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Authentic Love vs Active Love

Most of us were taught to reward what others do with loving expression, and there's nothing wrong with this.

But what we usually make this mean is

"My worth is determined by what I do, instead of who I am"

For me, this began as a child, when my parents so innocently celebrated me the most, during my sporting accomplishments.

Through no fault of their own I believed that if I didn't achieve something, I didn't deserve to feel loved.

With two children of my own now, I've realised how I can begin to change culture and help my kids feel loved for who they are.

I call this authentic love.

Because this means as an adult we learn that we don't need to do anything to feel self love.

If we don't learn this, we hold so much back and depend on others to feel love.

You might be thinking "But love is a verb, it's what you do for others that demonstrates your love" I agree.

This is what I call "Active Love".

Both are needed.

What I've observed though, is that most people feel obligated to Do loving things for others, because they have learned only to feel love when they serve.

In my experience, since cultivating love for being me without accomplishment, I now feel inspired to contribute more with acts of loving service to not only my wife and kids.

To every human, which is how I came to write this blog today.

Yes I have a business that people invest in to receive help, however I would teach what I teach for free (and have done) even if I didn't have a business.

When Active love is supported by Active love, The most pure love occurs.

Have you ever had a moment where everything lined up, and you were so glad to have met a person and had that interaction with them.

I believe pure love was at play.

Here are four things I say to my kids to develop Authentic love within them, and you can say this to yourself, your partner and anyone:

  1. "I'm so glad I'm here with you right now."

  2. I love driving with you. This is my favourite when I drive my 4 year old daughter to daycare. Her first ever response was a confused "Why?". "Because I love you" I replied. This confusion showed me another example of the culture of achievement attached to self worth.

  3. I'm so thankful that to be your parent/partner/friend.

  4. I feel lucky to know you.

I've noticed with couples I've helped achieve more, there is a habit of only focussing on achievement, without the powerful moments of appreciation for being in the moment with each other without the need for anything else.

Realising that contentment and ambition can co-exist.

Something seeming simple, has been so powerful for me.

I hope this creates more moments of peace, connection, and still greater achievements without it needing to make you feel whole like it did once for me.

PS If you'd like a free tool to communicate better in your relationship, click here and type "Free Tool". I'll be sure to get it to you.

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