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  • Darren Bruce

Marry Your Unconscious Mind

Updated: Jul 31, 2019

Having your ideal relationship allows you to actualise your life.


There are more single people than ever in history which is effecting our higher levels of thinking and our ability to cultivate the confidence to live our dreams. We have learned to be more independent, but there is still a feeling of not belonging and loneliness.


This is because being in a relationship is a reflection of the most important one we will ever have.


The relationship with ourselves.


As Carl Jung said "You marry your unconscious mind"


And personally I have felt this time and time again, consistently realising that every problem I see in my marriage is always about me and what I haven't yet learned to understand or implement. Developing and growing a relationship is about so much more than the relationship itself, it's about learning how to have a healthy, happy life in which you grow together with not only someone else, but every other person in your world because without saying a word, you profoundly impact those around you.


We are all leading and being led everyday by everybody.


How well we lead depends on how highly we have developed ourselves in our relationships.

The foundations of an ideal relationship are built upon mastering three key identities that both individuals display.


When just one of these three identities aren't present in a relationship, it creates instability very much like a structure with three supporting legs.


You can start to blame and shame the person that's most important to you when you don't know how to fully adopt these identities in your relationship.


You both might start to lose trust in each other which means that you can't truly tell each other how you feel because lack of trust is the only reason anyone is ever not able to give or receive feedback.


1. Lovers In successful relationships the couples are lovers, they are passionate and intimate with each other regularly.


2. Best Friends There is variety in the relationship and they don't judge each other. They have fun and play together. Often a single person's best friend is a reflection of what they are looking for in a significant other. The intimacy is simply the only thing missing.


3. Parents

In an ideal relationship, you must have something or someone to take care of.

I say some-thing because couples who can't necessarily have children, or choose not to, still play out the parent role when they purchase a pet, plant, business etc.

Without the couple becoming parents, the original spark of the relationship can be not enough to keep them together because as humans, we naturally want to grow and contribute to something that is greater than ourselves.


Being in a thriving relationship supports you having your basic needs such as safety, significance and personal purpose fulfilled.


And when this happens, a couple can learn to unconditionally love, grow and contribute to something aside from themselves.


In business, this is an excellent example of the journey to nurture the business and build it to a profitable, highly renowned service to others.


It's a baby at first, and when it is grown to contribute without the need of the business operator/owners time and energy, the identity of the excellent parent is present.


The danger in becoming parents in a relationship is that they can focus solely on the development of what they are growing, so much that they stop being best friends and lovers.

What's important to be aware of, is that if your relationship with yourself is a reflection of how you will cultivate your ideal one with another, then you can begin to take action to become an excellent lover, best friend and parent now, by giving yourself what you would like to receive from that unique person you see yourself connecting with.




#relationships #marriage #growth #love

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