Do you feel like your partner's judging you?
Defensiveness?
Communication Breakdowns?
You wanna connect more?
Congratulations, welcome to a real relationship.
But of course, you can improve things, so let's discuss how.
As a man, I "fail" in my relationship every day.
I fail sometimes when I say something from my ego.
I fail financially, not achieving goals I have set.
That sucks because I want to be able to provide to the degree that she doesn't have to work.
The societal dream of absolute freedom to do what you please. I want that for her, and I'm not there.
Yet.
I fail as a Dad. My daughter or son cry because I wasn't attentive enough, or I said something that she got upset about.
But here's the thing that helps me be better. Even I'm failing, I know that it all starts with me.
I could give you the parenting or relationship tactic.
It might even work.
But this will sound cliche.
When I find out what's blocking my heart, and be vulnerable to ME. That means, stand in the mirror and tell the truth. "Did you do as much as you can do to provide in every way today? Or did you give in to instant gratification in some way?"
The questions go on, but my point here.
It all starts with me.
My ego wants to be childish.
My client comes to me because he wants to connect more with his wife.
He has a child and he's worried that emotional constipation (as he describes it) is going to be passed on to his kid.
He wants to change it. Then he tells me that he doesn't clean his room, his wife gets frustrated about it and does it.
We discover that is because his mother always cleaned up his room.
Enter: childish behaviour.
[SIDENOTE: I've been childish and every client I've ever worked with.
I appreciate him because we can't change what we're not aware of.]
And this leads all the way back to him not being able to connect.
To feel disconnected from himself.
Because not taking responsibility is a way of avoiding our uncomfortable feelings
Fast forward and he's crying because of the deep love he feels for his partner.
She's crying too.
With appreciation for each other.
They realise they're learning to fight their battles together.
Out there, instead of against each other.
So here's the short list of how to be a better partner, parent, or person.
1. Tell the truth (I like to write it out and question what I'm doing "Is this the truth?"
2. Take immediate action on my insights.
3. Make a start stop list. What will I start doing? What will I stop doing?
4. Tell my partner, people close to me in my life, and even strangers, that I appreciate them, rinse and repeat again and again.
5. Reference to 4: Build the love around me.
There's negative energy thrown at you every day. Everyone is trying to get away from their shadow that follows them everywhere.
If you turn around and face it, you might understand that your shadow wants to point the finger outwards.
To hide you from the real you.
Is doing it for attention.
If you choose to see how everything is a mirror for the dark things you're capable of, you will gain control over it.
You will open your heart and be more loving.
Your partner will feel safer around you to share. You will connect deeper with yourself and the fear will dissolve.
Fear can't breathe near an open heart.
Question that might be useful for you today:
"What am I ignoring within myself that is blocking my dream relationships and life?"