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How my sexuality helped me become a better parent, partner and leader.

Updated: Mar 14, 2023

Sexual experiences shape our lives perhaps more than we realise.

As a kid I was at a family friend's house, and asked by a much older woman to take part in sexual acts. Part of me doesn’t even want to talk about this because I am not a victim, and I see so many people addicted to a story that stops them from becoming the hero of the story. It’s not that I don’t empathise. I DO! That’s just it, I empathise so much that I know if we don’t take the negative experiences that happen in our lives and turn them into something transformational and beneficial, then they will remain a heavy burdens we carry around.

This is the reason I’ve decided to speak about my experience on this podcast. For me, the confirmation of a negative experience transforming into something with beauty and meaning shows itself in my passion to guide the creation of deeply fulfilling relationships and the confidence to raise children who feel safe to be themselves and protect themselves in ways I was too afraid to. Because of experiences like this, I’ve helped many individuals and couples become much more passionate, authentic and influential.

In the podcast I go deep into why childhood sexual experiences are so impactful. And I’m not just talking about the experience itself but also the terminology used. Did you know that pedophiles will target children who don’t know the proper names for reproductive body parts? Teaching our kids to say penis instead of doodle can literally help protect them when we’re not looking.

Maybe something happened to you as a kid, maybe it wasn’t sexual, but you know it shaped what’s important to you, and what you fear. That part of you is still alive, and you need to talk to it, give yourself what you needed in that moment. Say something, or maybe even write out everything you might have said or done for yourself if you were there, because you are now.

My point of all of this is that your relationship with yourself determines the decisions you’ve made (or not made) that have shaped your life. A large part of that relationship is with the child in you. We need that playfulness we had when younger to survive and thrive as an adult. Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it ain’t easy. You must forge your greatest self to conquer all of your dragons, and that only happens with radical self, and others, love.

Key outcomes and learnings for this blog:

  • Something happened to you, you GET to acknowledge that.

  • The past is not where the unresolved issue is, it’s in the present moment and the meaning you’re giving to it.

  • You can tell a story about being a victim, but you can never truly be one, because you are an immeasurably powerful human.

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