You might think we all feel loved the same way.
When a friend of mine learned what his love language was, he looked back on every single argument he had ever had with his ex-girlfriend, only to realise they all happened because she was wanting to receive love in a different way to him.
Here’s how to keep the peace and make others feel connected to, and appreciated by you.
I have never been the kind of person who likes extravagant gifts on my birthday, I would always feel like words were enough from friends and loved ones.
All they had to do was write me a card, send me a text or give me a call to know that they cared.
So I would do the same for others on their birthday.
This didn’t turn out so well.
I didn’t realise at the time that I communicated love through words of affirmation, and wasn’t communicating it the way others might receive it differently.
And this is where the problem begins in every relationship.
If you haven’t heard of “The 5 Love Languages“, I highly recommend you click on the link and complete the free quiz available, because it’s the foundation of deeply understanding how others want to be communicated with, how they feel loved, valued and appreciated by you.
Everyone is different, but understanding the five love languages a guidebook that teaches you how to instantly understand someone’s preferred way of giving and receiving love.
The five love languages are:
1.Words of affirmation – Saying something nice to someone
2. Acts of service – Cleaning the house
3. Receiving gifts – Buying someone a present
4. Quality time – Giving someone your attention
5. Physical touch – Giving someone a hug
If you think of any previous failed relationships you have, you might notice that every mis understanding was a result of not communicating by using ones love language.
So these are the five love languages you can use as your guide book, but how can you more specifically understand these “languages” so you can more rapidly make sense of what every single person you speak to, perceives that they have received loving communication by the way in which they see the world?
By recognising that the five love languages are an expression of your sensory accuity.
You already delete millions of pieces of data you’re experiencing every second to continue to function, which is why you’ll have a favoured sense in usually sounds, sights or touch.
Here’s how the five love languages correlate with your senses so you can understand which of these you most use and how you can begin to notice when others have your strongest sense (and potential love language) or a different sense.
Auditory – Words of affirmation (They notice more sounds, pitch and tonality in people’s voices, music)
Kinisthetic – Physical touch (they’re not necessarily flirting with other people, they just communicate through giving people hugs, high fives and pats on the back)
Visual – Acts of service, receiving gifts and quality time ( This person is always wanting to observe someone simply sitting next to them and being engaged, seeing a new gift not necessarily expensive, or something being done for them)
Every client of mine completes a test that measures their strongest, and current weakest sense so they are aware of their communication styles.
I believe all of these ways of communicating love are learnable, and when we have a challenge with someone who communicates differently, it’s happening for the purpose of learning it ourselves.
Maybe you were always told you were loved, and you could benefit from learning the value in sitting with someone and enjoying their presence.
Maybe you received a lot of gifts when you were younger, and you could start to experience the value in how good it can feel to receive kind words.
Maybe you’ve always physically touched people to show you care, and you could benefit in learning the value of a kind act of service around the house.
All challenges can be overcome with love and education.
You’re not failing, you’re just receiving feedback to be curious about.
You’re not broken, you’re just learning a different way to love.
Share this blog with someone who may be feeling like they have a communication breakdown somewhere in their life.