The 4 Keys To Unlocking your Ideal Relationship

If you don't have your ideal relationship, you might think it's because of your partner, your situation, or how you feel, or a bunch of other things.

It's not.

In my experience you don't know how to create the relationship you desire because you don't have a playbook.

When we learn to ride a bike, we learn a system.

Grab the handles with your hands first.

Push your foot down on the pedal.

Push the next foot down.

Time pushing your feet down on the pedals to gain momentum.

Steer where you want to go.

Right now I'm going to talk about the exact guidelines to building your dream relationship.

This is like the pieces of the bike that allow you to learn to ride like Lance Armstrong (without having to lose your testicles from cancer)

The 4 keys to your ideal relationship are:

1.Contribitution

When you are contributed to, you feel unconditionally loved.

A lot of my clients have been focussing on building trust and understanding, which they believe is the thing holding them back from a better relationship and communication.

But this takes care of all of that.

The challenge is that you likely don't know what makes your partner, or you, feel contributed to.

I always ask in our first couple of coaching sessions, "What would have to happen for you to feel contributed to 100%? (if you were scoring it out of 100).

The answer is always surprising to the other partner.

Because we have learned "treat others how you want to be treated".

But no one has had the same experience of life as us which means they probably want something you're not aware of that makes them feel like you deeply love them.

Bottom line is treating others how we want to be treated isn't compassionate.

Here in lies the challenge of all human relationships.

When we're on automatic and we don't know what questions to ask, we try to read minds because we're less vulnerable that way

Then we get it wrong, not so much wrong, but we're not fully informed of what makes the other person truly feel loved.

Have you ever noticed a time when you thought you did everything to make this person feel loved but they didn't? You weren't seeing through their lens of the world.

SO if you ask that question, you'll begin to discover the way that person likes to be contributed to, and that is the foundation of everything we need in a relationship. Think of this as levels of a pyramid as you're reading this. That's level 1.

Lastly, remember that contributing is ultimately about actions, even if you're someone like me who values the words spoken to them.

We must show love, not just talk about it.

We are what we do not what we say we are or will do.

2. Sex

When you learn how to better give to your partner, the floodgates of love making open.

I only just realised the consistent results couples I've worked with, are that their weekly sex doubles after they apply The Connection Codes (my educational program that teaches you how to create your dream relationship and actualise your ambitions).

That's why contributing was number 1.

It's funny we also look at sex as a way of pro-creating or experiencing pleasure, but the reason it's so crucial in a relationship in my experience, is that it's actually healing.

I talk often with people about how the bedroom is a space created for healing.

There should be nothing you can see, hear or touch that doesn't involve healing.

If there's a tv in your bedroom, phones, anything that doesn't connect you, it's killing the intimacy you could have, which ultimately IS healing.

Just to hammer this point home, when you orgasm your body is flooded with feel good hormones which replace any unconscious stress you've been feeling (it's super common to be somewhat stressed without realising it).

I recently got a vasectomy and called a man I knew had been married a long time to ask what he did when he stopped having kids.

To which he replied "we just stopped doing it" I was gobsmacked.

He said "do you tell your clients to have sex for their health as well as their relationship?"

"Yes!" I said, half laughing. There's a reason they wrote the song sexual healing. Because it is!.

My point is made here, though I want to say you might be thinking

'Ok, but how do I actually make this happen? It's not just enough to know these principles, how do I apply them?'

I'll talk about that at the end.

3. Fun

When you both contribute to each other in a fulfilling way, then you're intimate, it opens up the possibility of fun.

This is where our child like nature comes into play (pun intended).

As adults, there will always be a kid version of us that loves to play and let go of all outcomes to enjoy the moment.

Many of us have lost connection with this.

but the great news is that you can change within an instant.

I think back to a client of mine who had been separated with their partner for two years, and after not too long of teaching her the connection codes, she told me she was on the phone to her ex for hours laughing, which was very unusual.

This because they'd learned how to better contribute to each other and then they were being playful, having fun together again like best friends.

I'm happy to say they re-connected and their kids get two excellent resilient role models now.

My point is that once you understand how to give each other what you want, it opens up greater opportunities for growth, which brings me to key number 4..

4. Growth

When you give to your partner the way they love, you make love.

And then when you make love, you start having more fun.

Then when you're having fun, you take new inspired action and grow together.

That's the magical formula to every deeply passionate relationship you could ever see.

I've seen it time and time again.

Now before I finish, what's happening here when you grow in your relatinshiop is that you're working together as a team now.

Instead of fighting each other like most couples do, you're fighting for a greater future, and you're doing it together.

Now let's talk about the reason you wouldn't want to implement this.

You want to contribute, have sex or fun so that you can avoid some pain based on your history.

This is a common reason why you won't take a lot of action on this, it's like trying to drive up hill with the hand brake on.

What's important here is to know that the past doesn't equal the future.

None of what happened in the past is happening right now.

Maybe you tried to contribute to your partner but you got shut down, or didn't get the love back that you wanted.

That's ok, you're learning how to give them what they desire, which is why I've given you that question to ask, remember?

"I'm curious, What needs to happen for you to feel 100% contributed to?"

Game changer for you.

So the main thing here is that you likely believe something that's limited your action taking in your relationship, ambitions and all communication.

If you'd like help with that then get in touch with me, that's one of the things we change so that you can gain more freedom and clarity fast.

Remember,

Love deeply and differently every day.