For a long time, people have been studying kids and how safe they feel with the people caring for them. They found that this influenced their anxiety levels, and how they were able to take care of their emotional and mental well being for the rest of their lives if they didn't learn tools to resolve.
As a parent this picture is like a map for me.
If I didn't ever see it, my kids would feel less safe with me.
And that means they might not come to me when they're scared.
Which would be horrible.
But I've observed that's a common thing that parents are creating without realising it.
What we don't know costs us the most.
By the way, if you were going to trust information, I would trust this picture.
There's more than 40 years of research this is supporting.
So to be clear, not my opinion (some guy from the internet).
This was so simple for me.
When he/she's playing, I know they're safe.
When they come to me crying, I must attune to their emotions. And if I don't understand my own emotions, I couldn't possibly do this for my child.
All parents who complete Relationship Excellence, learn to understand themselves more, this then has a flow on effect to their kids.
A Dad said to me once "He was angry and yelled at me when we went for a bike ride, and I felt reactive at first, but then I took a deep breath.
I realised his anger is hiding is fear.
I said, you were scared then weren't you, and he felt understood. We talked through it and started playing again."
I tell you this because this is the power of understanding the circle of security.
There are many courses out there you can do on this. If you're interested, check out Pejman's, he's an amazing psychologist. Here are some things to say that helped me attune to my kids, that helped prevent breakdowns, or allow them to process their feelings, and also understand what's going on in their body.
"Where exactly in your body do you feel that?"
"Are you hurt on your body? or are you scared from what happened?"
"You're having a hard time leaving "", I'm going to help you leave."
"Are you feeling sad because you didn't get to eat/drink/do that?"
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