I remember from childhood, into my twenties I wanted to be a leader.
When I played in a sporting team, I wanted to be the captain of the team.
The one that everyone listened to.
I wanted people to see me, and for good reason.
To impact and influence people.
The next minute I'm in the military given the responsibility of many.
But there's always more to learn as you'll read..
Recently I was part of a personal development retreat involving 150 men.
I've never cried so much in my life.
And it's not what you think. I didn't cry out of sadness.
Sure there were moments where I had heard sad things men had been through.
But most of my tears were compassionate.
Appreciating watching these men discover and understand themselves.
I was facilitating about twenty men during this retreat.
To help guide them.
So one night it's late.
Dark and cold.
We're supposed to gather in a circle, but decide to call it off to get some rest for an early start in the morning.
As I walk to my tent, I notice a group of men sitting and talking.
It's my group.
I'm surprised they're all there when they didn't have to be.
So I walk close enough to listen in before I head to my 5 star luxury accomodation.
(this is sarcasm, I slept on the ground, and it was cold)
They were taking turns answering the question
"What has been your biggest edge?" meaning what was most challenging?
And what has been your biggest breakthrough during this personal development training?
Standing on the outside of the group, I found myself feeling content from what I was seeing.
These men had decided to come together, with no need for an appointed "Leader"
I was about to walk away when they said "come join us! what's been your biggest edge? and growth?
I sat down on the chair, and as I began to look each man in the eye, I realised and said..
"This is my edge.
Looking you all in the eye.
Fully being seen.
I've facilitated thousands of people.
But the whole time I was rushing so I could never be seen.
So that I could prove I had done enough to be loved.
To be approved of.
But the whole time I wanted to approve of myself.
And that set me free, because my greatest growth has been not needing to be seen.
It brings me deep joy to simply have been of service.
When I saw all you men sitting here without need of a leader guiding you, I was so happy.
Because to me it means you're leading yourself.
And no one could ever know what's right for you, more than you.
Right?
So thank you men."
Feeling a deep sense of gratitude, I went to bed.
We all want to be seen and heard as children.
What if we don't feel like that happened when we were kids?
If we notice this as adults, maybe we need to learn that it's always ourselves we're looking for.
The outside world is just a mirror for how we feel about ourselves.
It's a powerful thing to be self-led.
Being the author of our own story means we have full control over the main character.
And the adventure that awaits.