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What is vulnerability?


Vulnerability is weak, AND powerful.

What? You say.

If we're talking about mental and physical vulnerability, then I think it's very useful to become physically and mentally strong.

But the paradox, and the version i’m talking about, is emotional vulnerability.

And the reason it's so powerful is because without it, we get mis understood.

Others assume what our words mean.

They try to read our minds which creates a lot more suffering.

It's like two people trying to get to the same destination without being able to see, touch or hear each other.

But what is vulnerability?

You might think it means to express how you're feeling.

I know I did.

But in my experience, this is one of the most damaging things a leader can do.

I wonder, have you ever told someone how you feel, and they've then tried to give you advice when all you wanted was to talk until you feel like you said everything you wanted?

Maybe someone tried to "fix" things for you.

Why did they do this?

Because only expressing how you feel can be manipulating to people listening without you even having that intention.

When communicating, sometimes we just talk at each other without asking each other questions.

We keep assuming.

like I said, reading minds and deciphering what isn't said.

This creates confusion and conflict.

So here's the two things that changed the game for me and by no means are easy.

Number 1. "Clear is kind"

We've gotta be clear about what we want when we're having a crucial conversation.

This way we teach people how we want to be treated.

We've all had such a different experience of life, whilst being the same in so many ways as humans.

Which leads me to number 2.

Brene brown said (and I might screw this quote up)

"The defitnion of vulnerability is expressing an emotion, and putting a boundary in place."

To me, that sounds like "hey I want to have a conversation with you and talk about how I'm feeling, but I don't need fixing, I just want you to listen and sit with me.

This compared to "I'm feeling crap", is worlds apart.

Another example is:

"It's ok to have an opinion, it's not ok to make assumptions about me without curiosity if we're going to continue this conversation or be friends etc"

So often we try to control other people.

Or we spend so much time trying to control how others see us.

Both are games that can't be won.

All signs point back to having the difficult conversations, failing and fucking it up so we can get better.

and better understand each other.

To me, Although it's seemed to get easier.

Vulnerability doesn't.

Just like any skill,

The more you practise

The better you get at it.

If you're having a hard time having a conversation, just know you can do it.

And when you do, you'll get better at it.

And the best part is, the reason you feel so good is because you honoured your urge that makes you, you.

You become more authentic and strengthen your sense of self.

That's priceless.

Here's to loving deeply and differently every day.

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