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Who you're "being" in your relationship is creating everything

If relationships are important to you, you need to know WHO you are being that best relates.

You know, I've learned that relationship is a skill.

How are you relating?

Through studying many couples I've observed that there are three types of relaters we must master in order to build a relationship that not only keeps us together, but maintains passion.

I first learned this from my Mentor Alice Haemmerle, then observed it time and time again with all couples I spoke to.

The three identities are:

  1. The Best Friend: When you haven't been able to see eye to eye in your relationship, there's been no friendship. Being a friend means being playful, trusting and creative. That's why it's so important. When people come to me with an intimacy problem, it's almost always because they've stopped being playful.

  2. The Lover: Without love we tend to think the other person has changed, but life is not happening to us, it's happening FROM us. Romance and intimacy are two key principles of maintaining love. If we haven't had role models that taught us the skill of romance, loving will get difficult. Most people don't know that one of the simplest ways to build more connection in their relationship is to have more conversations with their partner. when your partner asks "how was your day?" this is an act of love. The little things are the big things when you stack them up.

  3. The Parent: The relationship will end if we don't care for something together. aDn when we begin this journey we become a parent of some sort. Think back to your relationships and notice, were you taking care of anything together or not? This determined if you stayed together because the purpose of a relationship is not what we can get as individuals, but what we can give as a team. It could be a plant or a pet to start off with for many couples, and then it becomes a house, business, or children as we build upon the foundations of our friendship, love and work together to contribute something or someone greatly.

One of the first questions I ask couples is " How would you rate yourself out of 10, as a best friend, lover and parent in your relationship?"

Scores may vary between the two individuals, which I where the dissatisfaction can begin.

It is wise to ask yourself, when was a time that I was feeling like we were 10 out of 10 best friends, lovers and parents?

Notice what were you doing or not doing when that was present?

What has to happen for you to become better in these these three key areas of your relationship?

If you'd love to discover how to connect deeper personally and professionally, click here to say hello.

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